As I have given it full thought, I think it's about time for me to do it. The reason is mainly because I can't be in denial anymore. I know what I know and I feel what I feel. Plus, how much longer can I continue ignoring the blessings and the gifts He has given me. Sacrifice is a big word but it can be started from a tiny little step. 'One step at a time' so they say but has anyone ever said whether it's small or big step? Does it even make a difference? Well as long as we know we are making some kind of progress and improvement in being closer to our Creator, it does not matter.
There can be many ways of how we could take this daunting and overwhelming little step but in the end it's up to oneself of how they are going to do it. Nobody else could tell you what to do, nothing could influence you to do it or not to do it, if you have already decided and determined to do it. All you need is just some strength from Him to overcome any challenges, some encouragement, continuous self motivation to keep you going and once in a while a little knock on your head as a reality check on what is the real purpose of living in this overly populated world of self centered people which unfortunately includes me.
Yes, I have to do this...I know. After all, why would something that's good for myself can be intimidating when I didn't even think twice about throwing rambutans peel from the top of a shopping mall to people down on the ground level , I didn't even give it a thought about skipping my lecture class during college time just to have fun with a bunch of friends or my then boyfriend now husband? Even to argue and fight with my beloved mum? Not even when I was puffing that smoke of weed and drinking that very unfavorable drink. I did not even blink my eyes before doing something that would actually turn my world totally 360 degrees upside down?. So why would this tiny self improvement step is so daunting to me? Well, I supposed it's mainly because something that's out of my control and that is people perception and you know what? I don't give a damn about it (still trying to believe and commit to what I said)...I shouldn't think negatively about people and never assume of their thought because I never know for sure..
It's time for me to make this step in order to be closer to Him. I'm not saying there's a condition for us to be closer to God otherwise we'll never get there, No!! God is very Loving and Forgiving, He is very Understanding and Approachable. Doesn't matter what is your skin colour, no matter what your political ideology is, how modernized or aged your thinking is, how many bad things or good deeds you've done, how high or low status you are, He'll always accept you without labeling. Only we people label each other.
If you're Skinny = Anorexic, if you're Fat or obese = Hippo, if your'e being Nice and Friendly = Fake, if you're Quiet = Snobbish, if you're Sharing things and info = Show Off, if you Don't share = Stingy and Self Centered, if you're too Active = ADHD, if you're Passive = Slow Learner, if your child gets confused once in a while between alphabets and numbers = Dyslexic and need I tell you more list? Nope, I guess you understand what I'm trying to deliver here. People = Good at Labeling whereas Allah the Almighty = Never Labels. Come to Him as you are and He'll guide you in the next step towards a better life.
For me personally, if I can put so much effort in trying to please people around me, why can't I try to please My Creator? How do we know what he likes? Well it goes back to what you feel is right and what's not. Have you ever felt right when you did something wrong? And have you ever felt wrong when you did something right? If both your answers are yes then you might wanna go and have your brain checked thehehe :) I have to say that, for each individual, our definition of good and bad are different from one another based on our nature, upbringing, surroundings and our experiences in the past, present and maybe future. But in the end it goes back to guidance by Him through our instinct plus the Quran, Sunnah and Hadiths.
I am still in learning and discovering pace when it comes to belief and religion and will always be because it's a continuous process. I am so not the so called religious people nor a perfect person who's never done anything wrong (does this kind of person exist anyway?), I am also not representing anything from Islamic point of view. What I put into words here is just a humble streaming of inner feeling from a tiny heart of mine in this borderless beautiful yet challenging world created by Him, Allah The Almighty.
As for now, let me- the itching and irritating when touched caterpillar, be secluded internally, emotionally to be together with Him as a chrysalis inside a cocoon and when I finally come out of my hiding, InsyaAllah, hopefully I'll spread my beautiful colourful wings to fly as a sign of freedom and liberation.
To those who didn't understand and still wondering what is the daunting little step I was talking about, please don't get it wrong... Islam never teach its believers to commit suicide nor suicide bombing. It's not about sacrificing hundreds or perhaps thousands of innocent people in the so called terrorism to become martyr. This is just about me starting my journey again to cover up as a hijabi. So, wearing a hijab is not just about covering up or being oppressed, it really is about a journey of self discovering of a woman who was once a girl :)
Till then, Peace No War ;)
There can be many ways of how we could take this daunting and overwhelming little step but in the end it's up to oneself of how they are going to do it. Nobody else could tell you what to do, nothing could influence you to do it or not to do it, if you have already decided and determined to do it. All you need is just some strength from Him to overcome any challenges, some encouragement, continuous self motivation to keep you going and once in a while a little knock on your head as a reality check on what is the real purpose of living in this overly populated world of self centered people which unfortunately includes me.
Yes, I have to do this...I know. After all, why would something that's good for myself can be intimidating when I didn't even think twice about throwing rambutans peel from the top of a shopping mall to people down on the ground level , I didn't even give it a thought about skipping my lecture class during college time just to have fun with a bunch of friends or my then boyfriend now husband? Even to argue and fight with my beloved mum? Not even when I was puffing that smoke of weed and drinking that very unfavorable drink. I did not even blink my eyes before doing something that would actually turn my world totally 360 degrees upside down?. So why would this tiny self improvement step is so daunting to me? Well, I supposed it's mainly because something that's out of my control and that is people perception and you know what? I don't give a damn about it (still trying to believe and commit to what I said)...I shouldn't think negatively about people and never assume of their thought because I never know for sure..
It's time for me to make this step in order to be closer to Him. I'm not saying there's a condition for us to be closer to God otherwise we'll never get there, No!! God is very Loving and Forgiving, He is very Understanding and Approachable. Doesn't matter what is your skin colour, no matter what your political ideology is, how modernized or aged your thinking is, how many bad things or good deeds you've done, how high or low status you are, He'll always accept you without labeling. Only we people label each other.
If you're Skinny = Anorexic, if you're Fat or obese = Hippo, if your'e being Nice and Friendly = Fake, if you're Quiet = Snobbish, if you're Sharing things and info = Show Off, if you Don't share = Stingy and Self Centered, if you're too Active = ADHD, if you're Passive = Slow Learner, if your child gets confused once in a while between alphabets and numbers = Dyslexic and need I tell you more list? Nope, I guess you understand what I'm trying to deliver here. People = Good at Labeling whereas Allah the Almighty = Never Labels. Come to Him as you are and He'll guide you in the next step towards a better life.
For me personally, if I can put so much effort in trying to please people around me, why can't I try to please My Creator? How do we know what he likes? Well it goes back to what you feel is right and what's not. Have you ever felt right when you did something wrong? And have you ever felt wrong when you did something right? If both your answers are yes then you might wanna go and have your brain checked thehehe :) I have to say that, for each individual, our definition of good and bad are different from one another based on our nature, upbringing, surroundings and our experiences in the past, present and maybe future. But in the end it goes back to guidance by Him through our instinct plus the Quran, Sunnah and Hadiths.
I am still in learning and discovering pace when it comes to belief and religion and will always be because it's a continuous process. I am so not the so called religious people nor a perfect person who's never done anything wrong (does this kind of person exist anyway?), I am also not representing anything from Islamic point of view. What I put into words here is just a humble streaming of inner feeling from a tiny heart of mine in this borderless beautiful yet challenging world created by Him, Allah The Almighty.
As for now, let me- the itching and irritating when touched caterpillar, be secluded internally, emotionally to be together with Him as a chrysalis inside a cocoon and when I finally come out of my hiding, InsyaAllah, hopefully I'll spread my beautiful colourful wings to fly as a sign of freedom and liberation.
 |
| From an irritating itching caterpillar |
 |
| Into meditating Crysalis |
 |
| And finally a carefree butterly |
To those who didn't understand and still wondering what is the daunting little step I was talking about, please don't get it wrong... Islam never teach its believers to commit suicide nor suicide bombing. It's not about sacrificing hundreds or perhaps thousands of innocent people in the so called terrorism to become martyr. This is just about me starting my journey again to cover up as a hijabi. So, wearing a hijab is not just about covering up or being oppressed, it really is about a journey of self discovering of a woman who was once a girl :)
Till then, Peace No War ;)
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