The Warrior Mum

It's mothers day and a question that keeps going back and forth in my mind is this; "What would my life be without my mum?" I have no real answer to that for sure but sorrow is the big word that flashes in my head
:( My mum is the pillar of my strength and it was only in the last few years I started to feel the real mother-daughter connection with her because long before that, it was only cold bond that's filled with anger, fights, arguments and adult tanthrums.

We didn't get along well being around each other. I didn't grow up with her and the fact that being left at the tender age of five, left me with so many questions and I ended up having a deep grudge and always putting a strong unshakeable barrier between us. That was when I went through a challenging and thought provoking chapter of my life. Mum left me for her own reason which I now understand and no longer question about but that chapter where I had to deal with my insecurity and vulnarability for being left was so horrible. I suppose, just like any other child who came from a broken family, the feel of insecurity and the need of attention and love was always my main agenda thus it got me into so many troubles and dilemma.

Alhamdulillah, fair enough, all the adventures, troubles and struggles I went through only to make me a better person and I can say the same positive impact is felt by my mum. She was married so young and didn't even have enough time to grow and mature herself, what more raising and managing eight kids altogether. I know how overwhelming that duties can get but she maneuvered  her boat through storms and lightning until she couldn't anymore and stranded. That's when she had to make a final call and mistake happened. We as human, do make mistakes on our choices sometimes but what's important is how we deal with it from there. All that aside, now we're back together as a family, reunited family..Alhamdulillah still with arguments, fights and adult tanthrums to keep us constantly understanding each other, but without hate :)

Always being there to walk me through even in her own difficult to understand ways :)

I have to give a big credit and endless appreciation to my mum Fatimah Bt Mahamed for her persistence, determination and courage to still fight and win the battle. The battle to win her daughter's heart again. I thank ALLAH for letting me exist in this world with the help of my mum, a warrior mum who fought endless war, who sailed endless voyage, who survived endless battle. All that with the help of Allah and pure love in heart with no boudaries that melted my ego and anger as a daughter who once was her mum hater. What we've been through has made us who we are now and I'm thankful and happy for it.

Without Allah's blessings, non of these would ever happen. Without it, I wouldn't be this strong. As strong as my warrior mum.... so mak, I'm asking your forgiveness on whatever mistakes I've done which hurt you and I know my apologize won't be enough to diminish all my wrong doings but...I know what a mum's heart is like, it is without grudge, full of love and very forgiving :) Mak, please pray for me so that I can also be a warrior mum with endless fighting spirit like you. May Allah grant you happiness and His blessings in life and hereafter...Amin Ya Rabbal AlAmin.. SAYANG MAK <3<3

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss, at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness and true love..

Those were the days..